Where do I begin...so many thoughts tumbling through my mind...following a year of hospitals, operations, replacements and treatment.
There are soooo many of you out there on a journey that began without planning...or desire.
Quite often the journey begins with little notice, no 'travel' guides and way too many differentials for anyone to take you to one side and suggest how you should pack and prepare for the days/weeks/months and maybe years ahead.
Floundering in shock and darkness, you are offered a glimmer of light, but sometimes the tunnel appears so long and arduous that the light feels a long way off.
It's good to have the comfort of prayer, to be able to pray That The Lord will oversee and walk the journey with our loved ones. Trusting in Him, having faith that many silver linings will come out of the dark clouds.
Understanding Personalities and relationships can be paramount to surviving fairly unscathed....but there may be times and circumstance that throw a spanner in the works such as the level of pain and anxiety.
Sharing the same sense of humour works well as long as both parties are able to see the funny side..it can often be an invaluable tool for survival. Prayer and Praise for the splashes of joy in the grimness of reality.
Earlier in the year, my young sister in law was offered a hip replacement following months of intense pain...it transpired on the scan that she had 3 cysts under her damaged hip. She must have a high pain
threshold as her testimony to the agony she was in was kept low profile.
An operation was done swiftly and left her in pain beyond her worst nightmare...bravely borne and with a sterling effort to recuperate and 'mend' as quickly as possible. My brother's efforts to skirt
around her and try to keep the 'house' going to her standards was variable - but always with good intention. Her frustrations at having to 'sit' did not deter her from her positive demure, whilst wanting to kill my brother for his not so perfect efforts at dusting.
Their many friends and close family supported them all..and were on call for all their needs whenever. I feel guilty on retrospect that we underestimated the enormity of what she had
suffered...in her convalescing...the distance stopping us 'popping' by!
Remarkably she was able to fly out to her brothers wedding a couple of months later...to enjoy the
celebrations in the sun...although swimming was a definite 'no-go'.
The next episode was our 23 year old married son having a much needed one off brain operation. Scary stuff for us and especially him as he knew the pain was going to be unbearable long before he got better...they estimated up to 6 months to recover....
It was an emotional journey watching these newly weds quietly endure a huge rocky road for a few
weeks. It was a Blessing to see how well they coped...showing a maturity well beyond their years.
The operation and recuperation showing an unblemished humbleness and quiet contentment - no fuss just a positive step forward one day at a time...trying not to laugh too hard as it hurt!
My daughter in law showed infinite Grace was upon her as she coped with sharing a twin room with the worlds greatest snorer....and 'snorter' as I had a laughing fit whilst drinking tea one evening much to my embarrassment.
It was horrendous witnessing our son in excruciating pain for the first few days post op but a sense of relief that for us it was a one off, not a continual uncertainty...and a string of more operations to
come.
This was what many others were facing with their loved ones as we got to know other families in the 'on site' relative accommodation so wonderfully provided.
Praise God that He journeyed so closely with us. The evidence of His Gracious Hand was seen on an hourly basis through the medical team, the many provisions and lots of 'God-incidences'.
Thank God that after only 6 weeks he improved greatly...and got back to studying for his accountancy exams and even got a new job to train as a chartered accountant.
Just as our son was settling into his new career...a bombshell fell in our midst.
My younger brother was diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell mouth cancer.
Watching his journey has been the most painful....the most enlightening and thought provoking.
A gentleman that is selfless and concerned for all those he loves above himself...it has shown me that there is no 'right way' to be. Happily married for 18 years...to the most incredible wife/soul mate/bionic new hip woman...it is hard watching them feel their way in the dark.
Treatment has been tough. 6 doses of chemotherapy alongside 6 weeks of daily radiotherapy has left him in considerable pain, discomfort and anxiety. All with a smile on his face.
This chemo was the kind that meant you didn't lose your hair. I have a thought that losing hair when having chemo helps bystanders understand the level of pain and trauma that person is going through.
Visiting my brother who managed to smile with a full head of hair, plus a lovely suntan from the radiotherapy I had to continually remind myself he was really suffering. The bald, drawn, shrivelled old lady appearance my mum had undergoing chemo several years ago, I could feel her pain, I could see easily that although like her son she perpetually smiled and said she was ok...the evidence said
otherwise.
In a weird way I'm grateful to have seen those who have lost hair due to treatment, to help me imagine where Dave is in his suffering. I had a thought that what if no-one had ever suffered hair
loss..would any of us have any idea how bad it could be.
I've come across many wives this year that are 'looking after' their husbands, some sadly terminally Ill. Their patience is pushed to the limits as they try to do their best whilst sad and anxious themselves. But nearly all of them have confessed to wanting to 'kill them' at some time as their love is pushed to extremes....their husbands acting totally out of character and becoming as demanding as an impossible child...they say men do not make good patients...these stoic and incredible women do not mean it literally...but borne out of deep love, frustration and angst...it seems to be a common theme!
If this is you, husband or wife, then know you are in good company. The Lord and everyone else will understand!
A beautiful new grandson arrived just before Christmas for Them. A refreshing reminder that life
continues on in spite of cancer.
Christmas we joined them to celebrate and be family together. It was a wonderful day full of love and laughter...but a chronic reminder that there is no 'good' way to behave. My brother wanted us to have fun whilst he would come and go ...joining in..eating a couple of mouthfuls of food, using his feeding tube to top up, as his mouth was still too painful...not drinking, but witnessing many others getting jovial...wanting to be part of normality, but tiredness and deep pain an acute reminder of his ongoing trauma.
Watching him being brave, not knowing whether to shout 'stop' everyone, just 'stop...'.this is NOT normal, this is horrible. But then knowing that in my heart my brother would be horrified at the idea that we all sat somberly around looking sad...looking 'expectantly' at him.
You see I realised there is no way that is the perfect way...it is finding a path that works as well as possible for all those from 4 year old grandsons, 13 year old daughters, teenage sons and nephews...sisters..in laws and a wife and daughter that had cooked up the most delicious festive feast.
We had fun...that was good...but more importantly we were together celebrating the deep love we are Blessed to have for each other.
They say Love conquers all...and I believe them.
We have just returned after my brothers 50th party celebrations...just 2 and a bit weeks after Christmas....what a difference two weeks makes. My brother managed to celebrate and last until the early hours of the morning. Partying gently with many friends and family...feeling loved by so many.
Answered prayer that he would be well enough to enjoy the party, organised long before his diagnosis. Thank you Jesus x.
May The Lord continue to answer our prayers for his journey to full recovery. May my brother know that God is The rock on which we stand. May he truly know that God IS love..
Corinthians 13:13 Meanwhile these three remain, Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is Love...
Lord I thank you for answered prayer, for healing. I Praise you that you are journeying with us..I pray your Grace will continue to be sufficient for all those affected and are walking with their loved ones on a rocky and treacherous road. May they feel comforted knowing you are 'in control' and Our Hope is in you.
Many may not know you personally Lord, but my prayer is that they will look to you and trust in you as their Saviour also. May they know The Love of God and a Peace that passes all understanding as You carry them and Bless them in their present circumstances.
